Quote of the Day (2015-03-31)

Sir Humphrey: "Well, we can always try to persuade them [the BBC] to withdraw programs voluntarily, once they realize that transmission is not in the public interest."

Jim Hacker: "Well, it is not in my interest. And I represent the public, so it is not in the public interest."

Sir Humphrey: "That's a novel argument. We haven't tried that on them before."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2015-03-30)

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.

[a man puts a body on the cart]

Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.

The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: What?

Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.

Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.

The Dead Collector: He isn't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.

Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.

The Dead Collector: I can't take him.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.

The Dead Collector: I can't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?

The Dead Collector: Thursday.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.

[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]

Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.

The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-29)

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone.

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-28)

The number of the counting shall be three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand grenade of Antioch toward thy foe, who, being naught in my sight, shall snuff it.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-26)

Rick: I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2015-03-25)

George: "I'd rather be dating the blind. You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her."

Elaine: "I think she'd figure it out."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2015-03-24)

George: "Beautiful women... Ya know, they get away with murder. You never see one of them lift anything over three pounds. They do whatever they want, whenever they want to, and nobody can stop them."

Jerry: "She's like a beautiful Godzilla."

George: "And I'm thousands of fleeing Japanese!

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2015-03-23)

Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-22)

Ronnie: Okay, stop it. Everybody that you are mentioning looks like an old woman now. You're just mentioning a bunch of Jessica Tandys. Keith Richards gets away with it, but that's because Keith Richards looked 70 when he was 40. And now that he's 70 he looks 69. He's regenerating.

Source: This Is 40

Quote of the Day (2015-03-21)

Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.

Sally Albright: Why?

Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

Sally Albright: Its amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2015-03-20)

I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-19)

Jim Hacker: "Bernard, this government is here to govern, not merely preside like our predecessors did. When a country is going downhill, it is time for someone to get into the driving seat, and put his foot on the accelerator."

Bernard Woolley: "I think you mean the brake."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2015-03-18)

And the Lord did grin.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-17)

The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us...and our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast, terrible in-between.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2015-03-16)

Bernard Woolley: "May I just clarify this? You think the National Theatre thinks that you are bluffing and the National Theatre thinks that you think that they are bluffing, whereas your bluff is to make the National Theatre think that you are bluffing when you are not bluffing, or if you are bluffing, your bluff is to make them think you are not bluffing. And their bluff must be that they're bluffing, because if they're not bluffing they're not bluffing.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2015-03-15)

And Sir Robin-the-not-quite-so-pure-as-Sir-Launcelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Agnor, who had nearly stood up to to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2015-03-14)

Kent Brockman: Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for Philosophy majors - useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2015-03-13)

Lester Burnham: You don't think it's kinda weird & fascist?

Carolyn Burnham: Possibly, but you don't want to be unemployed.

Lester Burnham: Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way.

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2015-03-12)

Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2015-03-11)

Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?

Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2015-03-10)

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally Albright: Which one am I?

Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2015-03-09)

Larry Lipton: I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Source: Manhattan Murder Mystery

Quote of the Day (2015-03-08)

Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2015-03-07)

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.

Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2015-03-06)

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.

Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.

Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.

Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.

Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.

Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.

Vizzini: Enough of that.

Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?

Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.

Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2015-03-05)

Prime Minister: We must do something to improve my relations with the press, which deteriorated considerably when my private secretary told them I felt I was above the law when it came to official secrets.

Bernard: Yes, you may well hang your head.

PM: What's the constitutional position, Humphrey?

Sir Humphrey: Well, in a sense, Bernard was right. The question, in a nutshell, is what is the difference between a breach of the Official Secrets Act and an unattributable, off-the-record briefing by a senior official? The former - a breach - is a criminal offence. A briefing is essential to keep the wheels turning.

Bernard: Is there a difference or is it a matter of convenience and interpretation? Is it a breach of the act if there is an unofficial, non-attributable briefing by an official who's been unofficially authorised by the Prime Minister?

Sir Humphrey: Not if it's been authorised by the PM, no.

PM: That's what I say. I should decide if it's in the national interest for something to be disclosed, not officials.

PM: Last week's leak must've come from an official.

Bernard: But what if the official was officially authorised or even unofficially authorised? What if the PM officially disapproves of a breach of the act, but unofficially approves?

Sir Humphrey: Then a leak would be unofficially official, but officially unofficial.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2015-03-04)

Kramer: "Karate. It's a lifetime pursuit of balance and harmony."

Jerry: "But with punching and kicking."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2015-03-03)

Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2015-03-02)

Olive Penderghast: Due to his "condition," Micah was sent on an extended visit to his grandparents' in Palatka, Florida. And if there's one thing worse than chlamydia, it's Florida.

Source: Easy A

Quote of the Day (2015-03-01)

Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?

Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.

Source: Thank You For Smoking